In 2014, Shigonawa Bingo published a text inspired by the civic rules of the Edo period, adapted to the world of shibari.
This text, titled Nawa Shigusa, is a reference for understanding good practice and manners in the community.
The original Japanese text is reproduced with its author’s permission, together with its translation and commentary.
May this publication serve as a tribute to his legacy and as a reminder of the importance of courtesy and respect in all our interactions.
Good manners in the Edo period
Edo shigusa (江戸しぐさ)
These are some of the main rules of courtesy established in Japan during the Edo period.¹ Although they refer to everyday situations, their essence still applies in any sphere, including shibari.
Kasa kashige (傘かしげ): tilted umbrella. On rainy days, tilt your umbrella away when you pass someone, so the water doesn’t splash them.
Kata hiki (肩引き): turn your shoulder. When walking down the street, turn your shoulder toward the edge of the path to leave room for others.
Toki dorobo (時泥棒): don’t be a time thief. Arriving late or visiting unannounced is a serious lack of respect.
Ukatsu ayamari (うかつあやまり): be the first to apologize. Even if it wasn’t your fault, apologizing keeps the atmosphere pleasant.
Shichisan no michi (七三の道): 3/10 of the road. Use only a small portion of the road and leave the rest free for emergencies or for others.
Kobushi koshi ukase (こぶし腰浮かせ): a fist’s width of space. In shared places, leave a little space to make room for others.
Sakarai shigusa (逆らいしぐさ): don’t contradict. Avoid starting sentences with “but.” Listening respectfully fosters personal and collective growth.
Courtesy in shibari
Nawa shigusa (繩しぐさ), by Shigonawa Bingo
Ashi ukase (足浮かせ): floating foot
他人の縄は決して踏んではならない。縄に想いや拘りを持つ人は多い。大事に扱うのは礼儀で、足で踏むのは大変失礼。
Never, ever step on someone else’s rope. Riggers are very careful and particular about their ropes. Treat them with due respect. Stepping on them is very unpleasant.
It is not a good habit to touch, move or take other people’s things without asking permission. Especially when we are talking about tools that play an important role in their sexuality.
Nawakotowari (繩ことわり): rope permission
足浮かせと同様に他人の縄に触れる時は、 一言ことわりをいれる。例え親切心で縄の片付けをする時にでも、 持ち主に触れていいか確認をしてから触れる。
Just as you mustn’t step on anyone’s ropes, you mustn’t touch them without asking permission first either. Even if your intention is to help put them away. Always ask the owner’s permission before touching a rope.
During shibari practice, we must be careful not only with ropes and other tools; each person’s physical and emotional space must also be respected. Once a session is over, if you took part as a spectator, don’t go up to comment, hug or give your opinion unless you were invited to.
Shichisan no yuka (七三の床): 3/10 of the floor
同じ床で複数人で縄を掛ける場合、相手に七、 自分に三の領域のつもりで掛ける。 互いにそのつもりでいることで、 互いに干渉し合わない五分五分の場を作ることが出来る。
When you are tying near someone else and you both share the same space, it is good practice to take up only 3/10 of the available space, leaving the remaining 7/10 free for everyone else. This avoids interfering with each other during practice.
The rule also applies to ropes, bags, jackets and snacks. Leave your things wherever you like, but when you do, bear in mind that you are sharing the space with other people.
Hime (tono) dorobo (姫(殿)泥棒): don’t steal the princess
主や相方のいる女性又は男性と必要以上に親しくなることは御法度 。相手が知った上で関わることが最低限の礼儀。縄を掛ける場合は両者の同意を得ること。
Getting more intimate than necessary with the person being tied, especially if they already have a partner, is something you must NEVER do. Courtesy requires fully informing and obtaining the express consent of the partner BEFORE you start tying. When rope is used, it must be with the full and prior consent of everyone involved.
Full, express and informed consent (from everyone involved, not only those present) before the session is mandatory.
Ukatsu ayamari (うかつあやまり): be the first to apologize
相手に主や相方がいることを知らずに縄をかけてしまった場合、 相手のせいにはせずしっかりと謝ることでその場を収める。
If, while tying someone, you discover they have a partner (or you haven’t asked their partner’s permission to tie them beforehand), don’t blame the person being tied, and apologize immediately to clear the air.
In general, and for everyone taking part in activities, when a mistake is made, whatever its nature and size, it is much better not to throw blame and accusations at others. Owning up to what happened and apologizing quickly will always be a good habit.
Iiwake irazu (いいわけいらず): no need for excuses
縄を掛けた後に、ああだこうだといいわけをしない。受け手にさらに悪い印象を与えてしまう。結果は真摯に受け止める。
Once the tie is done, don’t make excuses for the results. You will make a bad impression on the person being tied. Accept the result honestly.
Just as you must be willing to apologize when you make a mistake, it isn’t helpful to make excuses or feel ashamed about how the session turned out. Shibari is not an exact science. Between the planned idea and the final result there is usually an evolution shaped by the moment and the people. And once again, remember that it is about satisfying, not pleasing.
Kami hiki (髪ひき): don’t pull hair
縛られた時に発生した不具合や問題を、その場で伝えずに後に引きずる。当事者以外に伝わることが多い。後に引かずにその場で伝えるべし。後ろから髪を引っ張るようなことはしない。
Problems of any kind that arise during a session must be resolved on the spot. They should not be kept in or taken elsewhere, because they will end up affecting third parties who have nothing to do with them.
Aftercare should not be limited to five minutes of cuddles among the ropes after the session. Keeping in touch, and providing support if necessary, over the following days, talking about what each person felt, comparing the experience… communicating honestly and directly is the right way to close a session.
Ashi biki (足びき): don’t drag others in
相手を羨やみ、妬み、 他人を巻き込んで足を引っ張ろうとすること。迷惑極まりない行為。
Dragging someone into a conflict born of jealousy or envy is not acceptable behavior.
Shibari directly affects the feelings of those who practice it, and this can give rise to many different emotional conflicts, not only jealousy, which end up creating a bad atmosphere and problems between people.
Onaji kusa (同じ草): the same plant
どんな性癖もどんな嗜好も、様々な事柄は同じ『人』の心。同じ草のようなもの。踏まれても耐え、育っていくもの。草は根(人)と葉(人)がないと育たない。どちらにも養分を与える必要がある。
It doesn’t matter what someone’s sexual inclination or experience is. Deep down, we are all the same: people. Human beings. And like plants, even when trampled, we stand firm and grow. And like plants, to grow we need roots and leaves (other people).
Shigusa no michi (しぐさの道): the path of good manners
主や相方と積み重ねた想いや絆も、 いつか別れを迎えることになる。相手を妬み、怨み、憎み、責めることなく、 次の道へ進むのが思草の道。枯れるのではなく、育ち花咲くものである。
Even solid relationships with play partners built on trust and feelings can cool and come to an end. Moving on to the next stage of our life without resentment, hatred or blame is the “path of good manners.” Don’t focus on what is ending, but on what is beginning.
Another example of how Japanese social structure carries over into shibari is forms of address. Sensei (先生) is reserved for whoever formally teaches us, and Japanese SM enthusiasts rarely use it among themselves; giving it to oneself, or giving oneself -sama (樣), comes across as pretentious. -San (さん) is always the safe option. And it is best to avoid calling anyone M-jo (M女), a label many models find offensive.
Original text: Shigonawa Bingo (紫護縄びんご). Translation and commentary: Sr. Interior.
Notas
¹ The historian Harada Minoru, in Edo shigusa no shotai (江戸しぐさの正体, Seikaisha, 2014), argues that the Edo shigusa do not appear in sources from the period and were formulated in the 1980s by Shiba Mitsuakira.
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