Shibari is a technique and, as such, anyone can learn it by putting in time and effort.
Before you start, there are two things worth being clear about.
First: learning shibari is not about learning to tie knots or complex rope patterns.
Second: shibari is a technique, not a talent, so your prior skill and physical condition are not decisive (within reasonable limits). The results you get will be proportional to the effort and dedication you put in.
It is easy to find tutorials online on how to tie this or that knot or pattern. That is fine if what you want is to reproduce a rope pattern, but it is not much use if what you want is a satisfying erotic interaction with another person.
But “learning shibari” is too broad and vague a goal to be realistic. We all have private lives, obligations, hobbies and, above all, a limited amount of time, money and energy to spend on anything.
So if we want to make the learning process efficient, we first need to be clear about what we want to learn. The path will be completely different depending on whether you want to: reproduce the suspensions and staging you see in videos; do art photography; tie complex rope patterns; explore intense restraint; become shibari professionals; or add it as one more tool to your sexual repertoire.
Each of these calls for completely different approaches, processes and timescales, and usually, when someone first comes to shibari, they are not even sure what shibari actually is.
That is why, before committing to a particular learning process, it is worth understanding properly what the technique involves and what it asks of each person involved, both to learn it and to apply it; that way you can judge, with real knowledge, whether it matches the picture you had, whether it really interests you, and how much.
The learning curve
Contrary to what certain workshops promising to teach you complex patterns in an afternoon might suggest, if you really want to learn the technique safely and be able to apply it efficiently, there is a learning process that may seem rather slow at first.
Obviously, the first time marker will be how far you want to take the technique: a simple tie that enhances a restraint with the arms behind the back is shibari, and so is the most spectacular suspension acrobatics.
But if we stick to “learning shibari for erotic play,” so that we have enough technical repertoire to avoid always repeating the same tie and to do something creative and stimulating, the timescales can stretch out more than you might think.
Why? Simple: can the two of you—as a couple—set aside two hours three times a week to review and practice the technique? No, right? One session a week? Once a month? Whenever you can, with no consistency or stability?
You don’t need to answer: we have had enough students to know the answer in advance.
Duration and frequency
Learning shibari requires both understanding technical concepts—ranging from psychology to physics, by way of trigonometry and biomechanics—and developing skills that, in our dojo, start with working on posture, balance and movement for both partners, and then move on to applying the rope, a task in which both sides have to work, each from their own role.
In shibari there is nothing gratuitous or unnecessary: everything has a technical reason behind it. If your teacher cannot answer a “why,” or their answers boil down to “because I say so” or “just because,” it is a sign that something is wrong with that training.
These concepts and skills are directly linked, and as you advance in one area you understand the other better, and vice versa. That is why, as you progress in the study of shibari, the learning curve speeds up.
We won’t fool you: the first phase is slow. Not because it is difficult or complex—quite the opposite: in the dojo we start with very basic things, studying principles related to posture and the use of the body in shibari.
It is the most important part of the whole process: understanding the body, each of you your own, and both of you each other’s. It is how you will be able to truly enjoy shibari, and do so safely.
What makes this process slow or fast? It is not so much physical condition—which matters, but is not decisive—as the posture and movement patterns each person has adopted. These patterns are part of “how we understand and identify ourselves,” and the more basic they are, the harder they are to change.
In other words: the more ingrained our compensations and bad postural habits, or the weaker our proprioception (the more disconnected we are from our own body), the more work it will take to change them.
This is our big initial job as instructors: understanding where each student is starting from and designing a personalized program so they can progress in shibari in line with their interests and readiness.
Work on proprioception and posture may be one of the first practical benefits of erotic shibari; but as instructors we are also aware of the effort this initial phase of learning requires.
The #MSAFE method
The #MSAFE method we use offers tools to integrate these first steps so that each person can absorb them without having to change their routines, and progress step by step. Within this training program there is one maxim: the best way to practice a technique is to put it into practice, to use it from day one.
#MSAFE stands for Make Shibari Accessible For Everyone. It starts from a simple idea: shibari should adapt to people, not people to shibari. Accessible physically, but also financially and geographically. That is why we combine in-person classes with online training, which brings the theoretical foundation and basic techniques to those who live far away, although certain techniques can only be taught safely in person.
That is also why your progress in class will always stay within what we, as instructors, judge to be safe; it won’t become a problem for you, but will add a satisfying experience every time, with no pressure and no milestones to reach: simply using shibari to have a good time.
Ways to learn
As with any other technique, there are several ways to approach learning shibari.
On your own
Learning on your own, from photos, videos and scattered bits of knowledge, can work if you are in no hurry, don’t mind making mistakes and don’t want to take shibari beyond the odd fling. But it is not the best option.
You will waste a lot of time searching for information, and many sources are not even available online, let alone translated into English. Without prior knowledge it is hard to develop the judgment to filter what you find, and much of it is likely to be wrong, outdated or even ill-intentioned. On top of that, trying to reinvent the wheel at this point is one of the most visible effects of self-teaching.
Online courses
In recent years the range of online courses has grown considerably, driven by the restrictions on movement and social contact during the pandemic, technological advances and some changes in habits. Here we mean serious courses, not well-meaning videos that, in a high percentage of cases, have little to do with shibari and are sometimes nonsense that can be dangerous. They are a good complement to in-person training and a support for those who cannot attend it.
In-person classes
Learning with well-trained instructors ensures you make the most of your time and understand the techniques better. Teaching can be tailored to each person’s needs and interests, so practice is less frustrating and more satisfying. The downside is that courses are usually scheduled on set dates that don’t always fit your calendar.
Training, safety and abuse prevention
Good training makes practice safer: knowing and understanding the techniques reduces the risk of accidents when handling rope and restraining the body.
Studying the technique and its emotional component also reduces the risk of abusive behavior and situations. We are working in the realm of eroticism and sexuality, and sexual abuse is common in our society: knowledge is prevention. At the same time, learning demands attention to self-analysis and self-knowledge, because eroticism is a fundamental area of personal development.
How to choose training
Learning shibari does not weigh on our lives the way learning a trade or studying for a degree does. For some it is a curiosity, for others a hobby; some want to go deeper and some consider making it their profession: as many approaches as there are people.
The same goes for those who teach, and each teaches as they understand it, live it, know it and are able to. It is worth bearing in mind, because there are also people who claim to teach shibari and offer nothing, in exchange for money, but a few disconnected and sometimes dangerous tricks. Being scammed is not a matter of taste.
Some tips to get started:
Look for qualified trainers. If you were going to do something dangerous, like climbing, would you take lessons from someone whose training and experience would fit on the back of a postage stamp?
Clear up your doubts before signing up. Find out what is taught, what the classes are like and who teaches them. Pretty posters, polished talk and social activity built on flattery are good sales tools, but it is your time, your money and your eroticism you are investing. Ask, check and compare before you choose.
Choose training that suits you, your tastes, preferences and availability as a couple. Patience is key: don’t get carried away by “buy now” or “one-time offer in your area.” As important as the quality of the training is that it fits your interests, because shibari adapts to people and so does training.
Try different styles and schools. You don’t learn shibari in a one-day workshop, or a two-day one, and beginners don’t have the knowledge to choose a style with confidence. Taking classes at different schools will give you a basis for judging which one interests you most, for its approach, personal taste or the quality of its teaching.
Progressing is not complicating
Technical progress is often presented as a journey from the single knot and frictions, through semi-suspension with harnesses, to full suspension, hashira and twists. It is a path that puts the ceiling of skill at suspension and reproduces, in a more vertical and segmented form, the statistically common structure of foreplay, intercourse and orgasm. It also tends to take the skill of the person tying as the yardstick and ignore the value and participation of the person being tied.
Add to this the aspiration to “tie such-and-such a pattern from memory,” exactly the same and with the same result as someone else, as if all bodies were the same, responded the same or had the same physical condition.
Our method seeks something else: for you to know how to adapt the technique to your intentions and abilities. That is why it is impossible for everyone in the same workshop to reach an identical result. Erotic shibari is not an equation with a single answer, but a story built every day with new words and a different grammatical structure each time.
Its complexity lies not in more elaborate patterns, in using more rope or in sequences that demand more mobility, endurance or physical condition, but in the range and intensity of the emotional experience you are willing and prepared to face, process and take on from a place of personal responsibility. Adding a little spice to an interaction is within anyone’s reach from day one; facing intense, deep and shared emotional expressions, safely and sensibly, requires more tools, though not necessarily more classes.
It is worth distinguishing between experience and management. Emotional experience is what happens when you practice. Management is what makes that experience safe, satisfying and adaptive, and it rests on three pillars: the technique needed to generate it, the knowledge to keep it within what is manageable at each moment, and the readiness to process and absorb it afterward. What we offer in our courses and workshops is not experiences, but the tools to face them.
That is why we value just as much, or more, a person in their biological maturity learning to use body and rope to achieve a simple, well-structured and functional gote that they can safely add to their repertoire, as we value seeing someone else reach a very intense experience through the progression of a suspension. It should be said that age is not the same as emotional maturity: the latter depends not on years or physical condition, but on that same management process (technique, knowledge and readiness) sustained over time.
In both cases it is a unique, personal experience of one’s own, which the technique makes it possible to explore with intensity, safety and satisfaction. It is not about doing more or making it complicated, but about each person knowing their abilities, tastes, preferences and circumstances at that particular moment, in order to get the best possible experience.
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