Shibari is not a torture technique, but a management tool. Used outside mutual consent, it becomes manipulation.
There are historical images of bound and tortured women in Japanese prints, yes, but they are depictions of crimes, not erotic scenes. Their purpose was to serve as a warning, not to arouse.
Today, because of the very way it is practiced, approaching shibari as torture is a recipe for injury. Its technical nature can cause harm, and inappropriate or careless use of rope increases that risk even further.
A certain obsession with suspension, with hanging people in impossible shapes and causing pain, may look spectacular to the newcomer. Out of ignorance, it might be seen as an artistic exercise; out of naivety, as an intense and genuine emotional expression.
But in reality many of these practices are assaults on the body. Hanging and lifting a person without the proper technical safeguards is an outrage.
You see some truly appalling things. Well, no: what you rarely see is good technique. Let’s be clear: suspension is a calisthenic acrobatic feat, not an exercise in brutality.
And then there’s that other myth: that you have to suspend, that the harder and more complicated, the better.
No. That’s circus, it’s fantasy, not real life.
Shibari, within a sexual practice, as an interaction between two people on the erotic plane, does not seek spectacle, but the satisfaction of desire.
Now, if we are talking about an acrobatic show, let’s judge it as such. What will matter are the set design, the dramaturgy, the spectacle, the acrobatic technique, innovation, narrative, music, sound, timing and, of course, safety.
Likewise, if we are looking at artistic shibari, such as a photograph, we should judge it as photography and as art, as well as shibari.
If we want to include, for example, suspension or intense restraint in our erotic experience and do so safely, muscle pain is incompatible with that aim. We are talking about pain in the muscles that hold and support the body, whether caused by the ropes or by something external, such as an impact.
It is incompatible because you cannot maintain the muscle activation needed for the practice to be safe when there is muscle pain.
Obviously, ideas such as “enduring it” are nonsense. This goes beyond myth into abuse. Look: you hold it in when you need to pee on public transportation.
But having the person being tied put up with the incompetence and lack of skill of the person tying them… that is pure abuse.
I don’t mean the mishaps that can happen while learning, but that attitude of “You hold on while I do my thing, show off for my audience, feed my ego, and I don’t care much whether it hurts, whether you’re enjoying it or whether I injure you. With any luck, I’ll give you a hand job before I untie you.”
Have you seen it?
Call that behavior out as abuse.
BDSM
If I’ve said shocking things so far, now I’m going to make life even harder for myself…
Shibari is not BDSM.
Can it be integrated into a BDSM practice?
Yes, with certain buts, but yes, it can. However, by definition, it is not BDSM.
This is complex and could fuel a lot of debate, because the very concept of BDSM lends itself to many interpretations.
In short, by its nature, shibari is designed to shape consent, changing the perspective from which the person being tied judges what is happening inside and outside their body; in other words, their own reality.
Where at the start “nothing sexual” was said, halfway through the session a “fuck me” may come up.
Moreover, the kind of management and communication it involves requires horizontality, something that does not always fit certain BDSM structures or dynamics.
Obviously, this argument is not a dismissal of the practices associated with BDSM, but a call to use the tools best suited to each case and thereby reduce risks.
Models hand over their bodies
If we are talking about shibari in which the technique directly involves anatomy and biomechanics, the claim in the heading is complete nonsense.
Erotic shibari is active. It’s like the tango: it isn’t that one person leads and the other simply follows along.
Neither does one go limp nor can the other just do as they please. Nor is it about putting up resistance. It is an act between two people, and both have a lot to contribute and do.
We see this often. A couple comes to class and, in our school, the first classes focus precisely on the person being tied.
They have to learn to listen to their body and interpret what it is telling them by managing their movements.
And that person is usually surprised, because what is seen “elsewhere,” and the image often conveyed, is that whoever receives the ropes is a mere passenger.
But it’s their body.
The person tying has no nerve endings in it to know what is happening, whether it’s going well, whether it needs more, less or something completely different.
At the same time, the person tying has to learn to identify the responses and bodily cues the other person gives them.
It’s a dialogue. At many moments it will require words; at others you will have to interpret what the body is saying, with the risk of getting it wrong.
And that is precisely why erotic shibari is a game for two. Both parties are equally important. Both people must take part, enjoy the session and seek their personal satisfaction together, interacting.
This series of articles gathers the ideas and arguments set out in the online talk “Myths in Shibari,” organized by Shibari Colombia in April 2025.
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